When Everyone Leans on You But You’re Ready to Collapse
To The Weary Heart #6
**Here’s an extra post, since my previous one was on Sunday (due to Fathers’ Day) - it feels a bit long to wait for the next Monday to arrive. So here you go~
You’re the one they turn to.
When your sibling is having marriage problems, you’re the first call.
When your friend is panicking about finances, they message you at midnight.
When your colleague is overwhelmed, they ask, “Can I just vent to you for a bit?”
And when your parent is afraid but doesn’t want to admit it, you somehow become their anchor.
You’re the “safe one”.
The one who listens without interrupting.
The one who gives practical advice.
The one who never makes it about themselves.
The one who somehow always keeps it together.
But lately…
You’ve been zoning out during conversations.
You forget the last thing someone said.
You open messages and feel your chest tighten.
You read someone’s long paragraph and think:
“I don’t know if I have anything left to give.”
You’ve been showing up for others —
but quietly falling apart yourself.
And yet…
you still say “Of course, I’m here if you need anything.”
Because that’s what you do, right?
You carry.
You hold space.
You absorb.
And you convince yourself you’re okay because you have to be.
People have asked me,
“Ustaz Mizi, how do you manage to stay grounded when so many people come to you with their problems?”
The honest answer?
Sometimes, I don’t.
Sometimes I absorb too much.
Sometimes I delay processing my own emotions — because I'm caught up carrying someone else's.
But I've learned to recognise the warning signs.
And I’ve learned that being emotionally available for others shouldn’t mean emotionally abandoning yourself.
The Strength Mask
Sometimes, being dependable becomes an identity.
We get used to being the problem-solver.
The calm voice in crisis.
The therapist in the friend group.
The glue in the family.
So much so that…
We start saying “I’m fine” before we’ve even checked in with ourselves.
We suppress our own fears because someone else’s seem more urgent.
We keep smiling even when we feel like crying in the shower.
We start equating our usefulness with our worth.
And when that happens, we no longer know how to ask for help.
Because we don’t want to become… a burden.
But here’s what I need you to hear:
"Indeed, Allah is Gentle with His servants..."
Surah Ash-Shura (42:19)
Our Lord is gentle.
Why, then, are we so harsh with ourselves?
Why do we treat our own emotions like they are interruptions?
Why do we only allow softness for others — but deny it for ourselves?
You are allowed to cry.
You are allowed to pause.
You are allowed to say, “Today, I don’t have the capacity.”
Break the Cycle of Constant Giving
Here’s the pattern I see often in people like you:
People come to you because you’re “strong.”
You keep showing up, even when you’re drained.
You crash — silently. Maybe emotionally. Maybe physically.
You recover quietly. No one knows how much it took for you to bounce back.
Repeat 🔁
Let’s stop glorifying that cycle.
Let’s stop pretending that “being reliable” means “being superhuman.”
Instead, let’s make space for boundaries.
One time after wrapping up a 3-day event, I was sitting backstage when one of my staff members looked at me and said,
“Ustaz, you look like you could do with a proper holiday — not just a break, but a reset.”
She wasn’t wrong.
I had been running back-to-back talks, managing logistics, trying to stay present for attendees — and at the same time responding to other commitments in between sessions.
I smiled and said, “Soon, inshaAllah.”
But in my heart, I realised I had normalised burnout. I mistook endurance for strength.
🛑 Setting Boundaries Is a Mercy, Not a Betrayal
You don’t owe everyone constant access to your energy.
You can say:
“I want to be there for you, but I need some space right now.”
“Can we talk tomorrow? I’m not in the right headspace today.”
“I love you, but I’m not the best person to help you with this.”
That’s not rejection. That’s stewardship.
“The strong believer is more beloved to Allah than the weak one…”
Hadith, Sahih Muslim
This strength isn’t about carrying everyone.
It’s about carrying yourself with integrity — so you can keep serving from a place of well-being, not wounds.
My Story: The Silent Breaking Point
I’ve had those moments too.
When people leaned on me and I smiled…
but the moment they left, I sat quietly in the dark.
One time, I was juggling multiple classes, writing a new book, managing my companies, preparing for a large event — and attending to a family crisis all in the same month.
I’d be texting one person encouragement…
while internally just wanting to lie down and not talk to anyone for a week.
And then there were the DMs.
Hundreds of messages.
Some filled with kind words. Others seeking guidance.
But more and more, I started receiving long, emotional confessions.
Stories of grief. Of betrayal. Of pain so raw it lingered in my thoughts hours after reading.
I wanted to help — truly.
But I forgot to draw a line between their heartbreak… and my heart.
I didn’t realise how much I was absorbing until it started affecting my sleep, my emotional regulation, my energy at home.
Even my prayers felt heavier — like I was carrying burdens that weren’t mine to carry.
I got sick.
Exhausted.
Fell behind on work.
And then I realised: this is not noble. This is unhealthy.
So I made the difficult decision to close my DMs.
Not out of arrogance.
Not because I didn’t care.
But because I had to protect my peace.
Because I had to honour my own capacity.
Because I had to remind myself that I am not everyone’s saviour — Allah is.
Setting that boundary was hard.
But necessary.
It was my way of saying: “I love this work, but I also need to love myself enough to last in it.”
Let People In. Just One Will Do.
You don’t need a huge support system.
But you need one.
Someone who:
doesn’t need you to perform
checks in on you, not just because they need something
reminds you that it’s okay to be human
Start by opening up to one person.
Say, “I’ve been holding a lot lately. I just need to say it out loud.”
Even if they don’t have the answers — just being heard changes everything.
Reconnect With the One Who ALWAYS Sees You
When the Prophet ﷺ was overwhelmed with the weight of his mission…
he would withdraw.
Not to escape.
But to reconnect.
He would seek solitude in the cave.
Or fall into sajdah late at night, pouring his heart out.
You can do the same.
“Say: My Lord would not care for you were it not for your supplication.”
Surah Al-Furqan (25:77)
Talk to Him.
Say:
“Ya Allah, I feel like I’m carrying too much.”
“Ya Allah, I’m always there for others, but I feel so alone.”
“Ya Allah, be my place of rest.”
❤️ You Are Not Weak. You Are Worn.
There’s a difference between being broken and being tired.
There’s a difference between giving up… and needing rest.
So if you’ve been the go-to person for everyone —
but no one really checks in on you —
This is your sign:
💭 You are allowed to feel overwhelmed.
💭 You are allowed to take a day off.
💭 You are allowed to say, “I can’t today.”
And still be a good person.
Still be a beloved one.
Still be a source of strength.
You are not your productivity.
You are not your performance.
You are not their saviour.
You’re human.
And even humans like you… deserve to be held.
I wish you well~
Bonus Resource: Support for the Strong Ones
🧾 Printable Affirmation Card
A daily reminder: “Even strength needs a break. Even rocks need rain.”
📖 Reflection Guide: “Who Supports You?”
5 short questions to help you check in on yourself — not just others.
📜 3 Du’as for the One Who Holds Everyone Together
Soft, spiritual prayers for the helper who needs help too.
👉 Download them here
I’m the sandwich generation. This helps so much. Thank you as always.