How many words have we swallowed, and how many relationships have been left hanging because we never said what needed to be said?
I often think about the spaces between words.
The pause before a difficult admission.
The moment when someone takes a breath but then shakes their head and says, “Never mind.”
The silence that falls like a wall between two people who once laughed freely.
These are the places where unfinished conversations live.
It’s not only about communication. It’s about connection.
And it’s not only about connection. It’s about the soul.
Because the words we never say rarely die. They linger. They collect in our chests like dust in a locked room. We try to ignore them, but eventually they suffocate us.
Unfinished conversations become ghosts. They hover. They haunt. They whisper “what if?” until the echo becomes unbearable.
Why We Swallow Our Words
Most of us avoid difficult conversations because we are scared.
Scared of conflict.
Scared of rejection.
Scared that the truth might end things once and for all.
So we bite our tongues and convince ourselves we’re “keeping the peace.”
But deep down we know we’re not protecting peace — we’re protecting fear.
Sometimes it’s pride.
We think: “Why should I be the one to explain? They should already know what they did.”
And so we sit in quiet resentment, waiting for the other to make the first move.
Other times, it’s exhaustion.
We tell ourselves, “I just don’t have the energy to deal with this right now.”
But tomorrow becomes next week, then next month, until eventually it becomes years.
And by then, the silence has spoken louder than any words ever could.
The Weight of Silence in Faith
The Prophet ﷺ once said:
“Do not boycott one another. Do not turn away from one another. Do not hate one another. Do not envy one another. But be, O servants of Allah, brothers. It is not permissible for a Muslim to shun his brother for more than three days.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim)
Why three days?
Because silence hardens hearts.
Because avoidance widens the canyon between souls.
Because Allah knows how quickly unfinished conversations turn into unspoken grudges.
And the Quran reminds us:
“And speak to people good words.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:83)
Notice how Allah does not say “speak easy words.” He says “good words.”
Sometimes “good” means soft.
But sometimes “good” means necessary, even if it is difficult.
“Good words” might be an apology.
Or an explanation.
Or a simple, “I miss you. Can we talk?”
The Cost of What We Leave Unsaid
I once had a participant in my workshop that was dedicated to volunteer youth leaders. One young man, he was probably 17, stood up and said his brother hadn’t spoken to him for 3 to 4 years. And the thing that surprised me the most was when he said that they share the same room! I asked him what was the cause. He replied, that that was the frustrating thing, he had no idea what happened, or what he did or said that caused this coldness between them. They were the closest of buddies growing up, shared everything together, played with each other every day, had similar hobbies and interests. Then one day, it all just suddenly halted without a sign.
Neither of them sought clarification. And neither of them ever apologised. That must not be pleasant.
Can you imagine living your life with someone who you do not speak with at all? Well, I’m guessing some of you unfortunately would be able to relate.
When I asked what he would say to his brother if he had one final chance, tears filled his eyes.
He whispered, “I’d just tell him I miss him.”
Years of silence. Countless moments of swallowed words. All reduced to three words that should have been spoken from the beginning.
I’ve seen marriages collapse not because of betrayal or crisis, but because of years of unspoken disappointments.
The wife thought: “He should know I’m unhappy.”
The husband thought: “If I bring it up, it will only start an argument.”
So they carried on, quietly, politely, distantly. Until one day, the silence between them was too loud to bear.
And I’ve met children who grew into adults estranged from their parents - not because of one big fight, but because no one ever said, “I want to understand you.”
The cost of silence is always greater than the cost of honesty.
What Suppressing Emotions Does To Us
Unfinished conversations don’t just change relationships. They change us.
They make us suspicious of others.
They make us fearful of closeness.
They make us convinced that vulnerability is a trap.
We start believing that no one is worth the risk of honesty. And so we build thicker walls. We carry heavier ghosts. And every time we avoid saying what matters, the burden on the heart grows heavier.
A Personal Realisation
I remember once postponing a conversation with someone I cared deeply about. I told myself: “I’ll wait for the right moment.”
But the “right moment” never came.
The friendship drifted.
The silence grew.
And eventually, it was too late.
To this day, I still wonder: what if I had been brave enough to speak earlier? Could things have been different?
That’s when I realised… there is no “perfect moment” to say what needs to be said. There is only now.
Think of silence like untreated wounds.
A small cut ignored becomes infected. Infection spreads. The body suffers more than it ever needed to.
In the same way, a small misunderstanding left unspoken grows into a barrier. That barrier becomes resentment. Resentment poisons the relationship.
The sooner you clean the wound, the sooner healing begins.
A Different Way Forward
When you feel the knot in your throat, pause and ask yourself:
Am I protecting peace, or am I protecting fear?
Because Allah does not want you to live with heavy ghosts.
He wants you to live light.
He wants your heart free enough to worship Him without bitterness.
He wants your relationships built on truth, not silence.
Even if the conversation doesn’t end as you hoped, at least you will have honoured the relationship enough to try.
At least you will have honoured yourself enough to speak.
Three Small Practices
Don’t Delay
If something unsettles your heart, try to address it within three days. Beyond that, silence starts planting roots.
Speak With Intention
Start with a phrase that disarms: “I value this relationship, and that’s why I need to say this.” Words wrapped in care soften even difficult truths.
Leave Space for Grace
The other person may not respond as you hoped. That’s okay. Healing sometimes takes time. But you’ve planted the seed of honesty, and seeds grow quietly.
Unfinished conversations are heavy.
But finished ones — even the painful ones — set us free.
And maybe that’s the test Allah gives us:
To be brave enough to let honesty become the bridge.
To choose connection over silence.
To release the burden before it buries us.
Friends, today I’d like to challenge you to think of one conversation you’ve been postponing. Write down the first three sentences you would say if you were brave enough. And then, with Allah’s help, take the step you’ve been avoiding. It might just change everything.
May you find peace in the release.
God bless,
Mizi
Thanks so much for subscribing! Really appreciate all the reads, shares, and comments.
I’d love to meet you in person in my LIVE events one day.
Singaporeans, check out thenikahacademy.com
Malaysians, please see usrah.academy
You always write it perfectly. This made me cry. But I will try and do what you suggested because I am tired.